A high school classmate's sudden death due to heart attack appeared to be a major keystone trauma for me. This thought triggered me to think of the sudden death of people in the news like the Philippine Science high School kid Oliver Ang, the death of my friend Rolan when he drowned in an undertow, Malou due to aneurysm, and so on.
It seems I have been deeply hurt, and angered, at the thought of the sudden demise of people at their youth, at their most productive age. For the longest time, I couldn't square it with a loving God.
I mourned, and silently screamed, over that thought for quite awhile inside the restroom so no one at home would notice.
Why, God, why?
I ended with that sense of vagueness at the moment: not knowing the answer to my question, which is supposed to be "just okay," if I may quote people talking about "toxic positivity," a new field that is very interesting to me because it is laden with important truths.
What is important at this point is the expression and resolution of trauma.
I regret not having watched Pepe Diokno's film Above the Clouds in its entirely -- only snippets on TV since my father was the one holding the remote -- because it is about exactly that: expression and resolution of trauma, which means healing for the traumatized or people suffering from PTSD. Hope to find it online.
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