Today, I cried profusely at around 4 am over what I think was the keystone name-calling I suffered that brought on layers of resentment later on in life from all the ensuing name-callings of the same nature. I was again reminded of _.'s grave sin, and all the people I had to forgive with her for doing the same: a cousin, another close kin, classmates _., _., and _., _.'s mom, total strangers during my elementary and college days.
I could easily rationalize what they did by saying they were just being honest -- overly in fact, at least on some level, from their own narrow perspective -- but there's no justifying rudeness and unkindness.
What I did was feel the pain, allow myself to get hurt even if I was forgiving because I had to -- I was no lily-white either for the same sin. I mean, how many people have I recklessly labeled, judged, and brushed off from my own narrow perspective?
I am glad I was finally able to express and resolve the trauma. I am suddenly reminded of what I often heard during counseling and therapy -- "What you don't feel, you can't heal."
Thank God for this.
***
There were also other traumas I had to deal with and heal with self-administered EMDR.
- my witnessing a corpse of a man with cut-up legs and arms at the Municipio who said to have slept on the railroad tracks drunk
This brought me memories of two harrowing films I wish I didn't see because I couldn't un-see the horror: The Last King of Scotland and Hotel Rwanda. I am also reminded of that poor Don Bosco Makati kid who was beheaded when the shuttle bus he was riding was hit by an oncoming train as the school bus cross the rails.
Lord, thank you for bringing this once again into my consciousness so I could resolve the trauma by expressing my grief and anger over them.
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