5 Languages of Forgiveness (The Offender's Side)

5 Languages of Forgiveness (The Offender's Side)

It is hard to forgive, but it is equally hard to ask for forgiveness. But that is only true if we are too proud to say sorry.

As the offender, asking for forgiveness has also its own share of complexity. That is because not all "sorry's" are equal. There are actually five kinds, with the succeeding one considered better than the first.

These are pretty self-explanatory.

1. "I'm sorry." >>> The offender feels bad, but doesn't necessarily acknowledge the wrong done. It is unclear in that it can mean either "I am sorry I did wrong and hurt you" or "I am sorry you feel that way but not necessarily because I did something wrong." It can also be used in an insincere way.

2. "I was wrong." >>> The offender makes an acknowledgment that he/she has done wrong. This takes a lot of humility and good dose of courage because it sure hurts one ego or sense of pride to admit that one has made a mistake. We humans basically want to be seen as good; the trouble is when we wish to be seen as perfect.

3. "I won't do it again." >>> The offender promises not to do the same mistake again. This takes one step further by promising to make an effort not to repeat the same mistake in the future. It sure is an indication of sincerity and a clear sign of sorrow for committing the mistake.

4. "What can I do (to make it up to you)?" >>> The offender actually proposes to make amends. This one goes another step forward by offering reparation for the wrong done. It is, of course, another indication of humility, courage, and sincerity.

5. "Will you/please forgive me?" - The offender actually begs for mercy. This is the most touching gesture of all, in that the offender goes out of his/her way to directly ask forgiveness to the one sinned against. There is no question that something bad has been done against the offending party. There is a laudable admission of guilt through the audible request to grant amnesty.

What kind of language do you use when you have (legitimately) offended someone? I hope it is a humble, courageous, and sincere one.

(based on Fr. Dave Concepcion’s homily)

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See also Monbourquette's Test for Unforgiveness posted earlier.