PARADOXICAL

I came here to list down the major stressors that I survived of late.

The first one was the earthquake that shook the office building. I couldn't believe I had to go through such a panicked state all over again. I had to literally cover my mouth so as to hold my breath for 40 seconds at a time. I had to be taken home to prevent a full-blown panic attack or hypertension episode. Thank God for kind souls (Paeng, JP, Kiko, Gwyn).

While recuperating at home, I caught German measles, what they call tigdas hangin in Tagalog. My skin erupted with red marks which I mistook for an episode of anaphylactic attack, so of course I had panic attack as I debated with myself whether to ask for an ambulance or not. It turned out to be harmless, or so I thought. Apparently, I caught it from my baby nephew Theo who came down with it earlier.

The next major one is when I got a department head deeply offended when she noticed a major omission in the Annual Report my office has successfully published. She ranted and raged on the chatroom, of course, and this affected my equilibrium. Another major panic attack -- the kind that I thought would be the end of me.

As a gift most rude on my birthday, Facebook deactivated my account for no apparent reason. I lost everything that I failed to back up, especially the photos. After creating a new account using a variation of my name, Facebook disabled it as well, again for no apparent reason, just when I thought I had a survived a major cancellation that spelled digital death to me. Good thing I am obsessed with backing up write-ups that I deem important.

Another big one occurred on I can't remember exactly when but I suddenly lost my hearing in my right ear. This gave me tremendous worry, as I envisioned myself as carrying a PWD card for the rest of my life and availing of whatever benefits or assistance the government can provide to the likes of me, with people pitying me and all.

***

On October 4, my sleep was suddenly disturbed by a furious coughing bout. It seemed to have been caused by the pre-ordered calderetang kambing my family had for dinner. I found out from Ivy that she used sriracha as spice, so it must be the sriracha, which is essentially red chili concentrate.

The next day, I had to absent myself from work because of cough and cold, which seemed bad, so I took the opportunity to take some rest and have lots of sunshine. I remember that a couple of weeks or so ago, I had clogged nose and my voice sounded like it, like I was ngongo. The ENT I had visited for checkup said the insides of my nostrils were "edematous," and so he gave me my old med, Nasoflo spray. I decided not to go to work for Thursday and Friday as well, hoping to get well using Decolgen.

I was able to go back to work Monday, but I had to constantly excuse myself to flush my nose and cough up phlegm. 

Decolgen was a bad choice of med. My BP shot up like never before that by Wednesday, I had to exit from a big event because I was feeling weird. I tried to forestall it by drinking a quick glass of lemonade before I left home, but no go. The monitor read 170/110! The lower number was most worrisome, for I never registered such a high number before. Dr. Adrienne gave me 40 mg Furosemide, a diuretic, on top of the maintenance meds I take (losartan in AM and amlodipine in PM).

By Friday, my throat was itchy nonstop all afternoon. I was worried because it reminded me of the time I got seriously ill of covid about this time of the year, together with my family and their respective families plus an officemate's family.

I used all sorts of remedies: Strepsils, cetirizine, Alizin, honey, hot water therapy... Nothing worked well. 

By Saturday, I decided to go to the doctor at BDH. Dr. Kathleen de Vera gave me co-amoxiclav 5 mg for 5 days plus NAC 600 mg, also for 5 days. As of this writing, I am on the road to recovery.

Maybe I have a primitive, simplistic thinking on this, but I always associate trials like these to big projects, perhaps the equivalent of religious mission of some sort. And I have big ones to lay 'blame' on: the 2021 Annual Report of the LGU, the Bayambang Culture Mapping Book project, and the Bayambang Museum project, which came to my lap one after another or even at the same time that I didn't know how I was able to handle all that gargantuan workload, most likely without people from the upper rungs realizing how great the pressure they have lain on my puny shoulders. For sure, I wasn't alone at it, but my contribution was nothing to sneeze at, and I maybe had to suffer a little for these projects to come to fruition. I know the logic behind my reasoning is fuzzy at best, if not laughable for the dots hardly get connected, but that is how I see the universe operate, influenced no doubt by my Christian upbringing. Before the glory of the resurrection, there must be the road to Calvary to trudge on, the passion of the cross to go through, from agony in the garden to carrying of the cross to scourging at the pillar to crowning with thorns, to crucifixion.

Maybe the thought of sacrifice should be all worth it for me. I hope to God.

posted by Resty Odon  # 6:53 PM 0 Comments