PARADOXICAL

The faith chronicles

Monday, July 31, 2006

 

Resentment


Forgive me for resenting your will for me, Lord. I resent my lot in life. I resent being born poor and still in poverty. I resent having poor parents. I resent it that, as a result, I need to provide for them and my siblings when I’m single and couldn’t provide for myself well enough. I resent it that I couldn’t break into a regular writing job, writing being the only thing I really like doing. I resent that I have no close friends left that I could ask for help any time of the day. I resent that I am trapped, it seems, with the wrong people. I resent a workplace that seems to stifle me. I resent not being in control, being so helpless about my situation. I resent a dead-end for a job. I resent the hard commute, the traffic, the noise, the pollution, the crowd. I resent my rented abode which is drab, cramped and unartistic. No, I resent that I’m renting at all. I resent the confines of my dog poo-strewn neighborhood. I resent the parish I belong to. I’m annoyed by the lector and commentator’s diction. I reset it that the church looks more like a godforsaken chapel, not fit for worship and divine inspiration. I resent it that I go to Mass all alone. I resent it that I had to cut my phone connection because I couldn’t afford the bill. I resent it that I have no cable connection. I resent it that I couldn’t buy all the books and magazines I want when it is probably the only vice I have. I resent it that I couldn’t buy all the clothes I want when I only want them cheap and common-looking, nothing showy, just stylish enough. I resent it that I’m almost all alone in m community. I resent feeling like an outsider always. I resent it that I’m the only active single male in the group. I resent it that I couldn’t do a lot of things many guys my age can do. I resent problems that are neither my choice nor my own doing. I resent it that evil people prosper, while I barely scrape by. When You know, O Lord that all I ever want is to live in dignity and peace, without the slightest intention to dupe or harm or put one over my fellow, without the vaguest desire to compete nor to profit selfishly.

Lord, I dare ask you whether all these constitute your will for me. I couldn’t, for the life of me, take a bitter pill for a will.

Lord, for resenting your will for me, forgive me. Help me focus on the positive, the things you’ve given me, the blessings I refuse to see and take for granted, the blessings-in-disguise I refuse to recognize. Don’t let life’s storms drown me. Let the burdens weighing me down right now be lifted off my shoulders. Let me hope in you, that you’d turn each cross into crown, each yoke into plow. Let everything, in your own sweet time, be blessings in disguise. I refuse to let resentment and regret rule my being. Help me in my unbelief, Lord, that You will eventually calm the storms of my life, that, in confidence, I could walk on the water towards You.

8.1.2002


Comments: Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]



Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home

Archives

01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004   02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004   03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004   04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004   05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004   06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004   07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004   08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004   09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004   10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004   11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004   12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005   01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005   02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005   03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005   04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005   05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005   06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005   07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005   08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005   09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005   10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005   11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005   12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006   02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006   03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006   04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006   05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006   06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006   07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006   08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006   09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006   10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006   11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006   12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007   01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007   02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007   03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007   04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007   05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007   06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007   07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007   08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007   09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007   10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007   11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007   12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008   01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008   02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008   03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008   04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008   05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008   06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008   07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008   08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008   09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008   10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008   11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008   12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009   01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009   04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009   05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009   06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009   07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009   08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009   09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009   10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009   11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009   01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010   02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010   03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010   04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010   05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010   06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010   07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010   08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010   09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010   11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010   01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011   02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011   03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011   04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011   05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011   06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011   07/01/2011 - 08/01/2011   08/01/2011 - 09/01/2011   09/01/2011 - 10/01/2011   10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011   11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011   12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012   02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012   03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012   04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012   05/01/2012 - 06/01/2012   06/01/2012 - 07/01/2012   07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012   08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012   09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012   10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012   11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012   12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013   01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013   02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013   03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013   04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013   05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013   06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013   07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013   08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013   09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013   10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013   11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013   12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014   01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014   02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014   03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014   04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014   05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014   06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014   07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014   10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014   11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014   01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015   03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015   04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015   05/01/2016 - 06/01/2016   07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016   08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016  

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]