PARADOXICAL

The faith chronicles

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

 

Guilt


Whenever we feel guilty for having done something wrong against God, we always have this unsettling feeling that something sinister is going to happen to us anytime. It could be a lightning striking us in the most statistically implausible manner, or our car losing its brakes in the middle of the skyway, or a button of our shirt we have unknowingly left unfastened on our way to work and not discover until during a presentation with clients, until it’s too late.

A guild-ridden conscience is a conscience that is not at peace. Suddenly our guardian angel seems to have gone on an indefinite leave, the Holy Spirit seems to have distanced itself like a little boy sulking in one corner after we haven't kept our word with him. We're hanging to the flimsy thread of metaphysical unease, fearful that it might break anytime soon. We worry a lot. We conjure up worst-case scenarios in our mind. We couldn't sleep well. We wake up in the middle of the night with our hearts throbbing. We get nightmares.

We're anxious about the ten thousand things that could possibly go wrong in life. A cancer gene activating. Our entire savings withdrawn by somebody else. An entire skyscraper toppling on us.

Our subconscious knows we're not prepared for any bad news coming our way. We know we'd break at the faintest sound of bad tidings. We sap our bodily energy for it, the strength we need to carry on. Our knees wobble as a result. Suddenly it takes an effort to laugh. We couldn't eat well. We resort to all sorts of psychological crutches - alcohol, cigarettes, sex, drugs. Yet ironically we couldn't enjoy life.

"These are signs that we've grieved the Holy Spirit'" said my spiritual director. It's a time when God seems to be less of a Loving Father and more of a Punishing One, a Supreme Court Judge.

When we feel guilty, we are not just nervous. We are also ashamed, behaving as though we have something to hide, we have something to atone for. We could not perform our tasks with confidence because something is maliciously casting doubts on our self-esteem. We can't hear the voice of God because a noisy clatter has taken over, accusing us "You're a sinner! You're a sinner!" like a broken gramophone record.

What are we to do when we're guilty as sin? The only way out, it seems, is to stop being a fool and own up to our sins: Confession or saying sorry, nay, asking forgiveness. What I’ve learned is saying sorry doesn't necessarily mean a recognition of wrongdoing; it could only mean vacuous empathy for the party we've hurt. In asking forgiveness, the recognition of one's fault is implicit. [Protestants prefer doing this exercise directly.]

Humbling ourselves before the Lord is the only way to regain dignity. God is compassionate to the humble. He is attracted to an admission of one's wretchedness. His divinity is tickled pink when there's a need to save a soul, for someone to show mercy to, especially undeserved mercy.

Isn't it annoying that whenever we sin, we know we have been triumphant doing things our way, but in the end, we are not at peace, we are anxious? It's because the deadweight of guilt catches up on us and, indeed, weighs us down.

But it simply doesn't pay to remain guilty. Thankfully, God's brand of peace has no price. It is for free, never to be bought by any form of bribe. The only bribe valid, if ever, would be a repentant heart ready to repair what has been broken, willing to promise not to sin again.


4.20.2001


Comments: Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]



Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home

Archives

01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004   02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004   03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004   04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004   05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004   06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004   07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004   08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004   09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004   10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004   11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004   12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005   01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005   02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005   03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005   04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005   05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005   06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005   07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005   08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005   09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005   10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005   11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005   12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006   02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006   03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006   04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006   05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006   06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006   07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006   08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006   09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006   10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006   11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006   12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007   01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007   02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007   03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007   04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007   05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007   06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007   07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007   08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007   09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007   10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007   11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007   12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008   01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008   02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008   03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008   04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008   05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008   06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008   07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008   08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008   09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008   10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008   11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008   12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009   01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009   04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009   05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009   06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009   07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009   08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009   09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009   10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009   11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009   01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010   02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010   03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010   04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010   05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010   06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010   07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010   08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010   09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010   11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010   01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011   02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011   03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011   04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011   05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011   06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011   07/01/2011 - 08/01/2011   08/01/2011 - 09/01/2011   09/01/2011 - 10/01/2011   10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011   11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011   12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012   02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012   03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012   04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012   05/01/2012 - 06/01/2012   06/01/2012 - 07/01/2012   07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012   08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012   09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012   10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012   11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012   12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013   01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013   02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013   03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013   04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013   05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013   06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013   07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013   08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013   09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013   10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013   11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013   12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014   01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014   02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014   03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014   04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014   05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014   06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014   07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014   10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014   11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014   01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015   03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015   04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015   05/01/2016 - 06/01/2016   07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016   08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016  

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]