They say that hating someone puts you on equal footing with the object of your hatred. This brings me into thinking about the people I hate and, oh, how it makes me hate them all the more. My latent reaction to that is, Of course not! People despise someone because he/she is indeed despicable.
Another nasty thing they say about hate is that it is a kind of projection: the things you hate about the person are the very qualities you hate about yourself. So if you hate someone who giggles like a hyena, spreads lies about you like the devil, and always clad in rags, that means you yourself are a hyena, a cobra and a slob rolled into one, ha, ha, ha! (On second thought, that's not very funny.)
They also say that hate is a sign of frustration about your own deficiencies and inability. You hate your parents because you can't give them that new color TV they're asking for. You hate your brother because you can't find him a better job in your workplace. You hate yourself because you are not who you are supposed to be according to your personal timeline. You hate the world because you're helpless with it. Frankly, I find this thinking a bit illogical.
And then there's what they call righteous wrath, when you do the hating with the blessings of God. (Say it again?) Listen, it's like this: when, for example, I fume like an angry dragon over my male colleagues who habitually make a pass on all the pretty girls around when the whole wide world knows they are very much married (the men), and it is I who is better suited for the role (the one making a pass).
Of course there are other types of and reasons for loathing. But all types of hatred, when expressed, is such an exhilarating feeling. Though I don't remember myself breaking all the glasses at home (I don't think I could've afforded it; hatred is affected by socioeconomic factors, too, you know), I can vividly remember tearing the pages of a book with unprecedented violence, which gave me a kind of relief perhaps only comparable to that of a witch and her torture doll.
But when hate is kept hidden, you're no different from a volcano that is forbidden by law from ever exploding. Yet even hidden hatred has a way of outing itself - through gossip, cursing, lies, mockery, insult and flattery, through wrinkles, depression, and possibly, disease.
Looking over my "hateography," I think I've been both a juvenile and, um, a suave guy when it comes to hating someone. My favorite form of expressing hatred has been through sulking and complaining to a third party and my favorite form of repressing it has been through silence, by giving someone the cold shoulder, so to speak.
That's a bad idiom, though, cold shoulder. The first time I gave someone the icy-cool treatment big-time, I got to expend lots of thermal energy. The object of my hellish hatred then was my college roommate Glen, with whom I had a falling out due to the pettiest of reasons: of course I couldn't exactly remember which. Long-term pent-up emotion got me so tired that one day, when I saw Glen cross my path on the street, with only the two of us on such a lonely road it was absolutely impossible to avoid each other, we simply broke into laughter, and then we're friends again.
I'm so tired of hating people. I'm so very tired of hating the world. I wanna hear a new song, never mind if it's the mushiest of mush. Whenever I think back of all the years I've lived in recent memory, I only need to remind myself of the people I hated so much that I refused talking to them for a year. In 1997, it was the company I was working for; in 1998, my immediate supervisor; in 1999, a close friend who treated me in public like a turd; in the turning of the zeroes, someone who owed me mucho dinero; and gad!, into the next millennium, I can see the distinct face of yet another enemy.
I wish for something corny next year if not this year: I wish for love. Don't be silly. Of course loving someone is easy, but loving your enemies? Hah! Now, you're listening.
And if I ever have to hate anyone, it is because I couldn't contain my love. I want to be like that character in Graham Greene's The End of the Affair who likes to hate so much because he loves just as much, albeit forbiddenly. He says (roughly), "I measure my love by my hate. I hate your dress because they always lie so close to you. I hate your stockings for the way they kiss your legs. I hate your shoes because they always take you away from me." Oscar awardee Ralph Fiennes got to act out this part in a fine movie. Hmm, I think I'm beginning to dislike him. (Wait, have I included envy on the list?)
5.31.2000
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009 10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009 11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009 01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010 02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010 03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010 04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010 05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010 06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010 07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010 08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010 09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010 11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010 01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011 02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011 03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011 04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011 05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011 06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011 07/01/2011 - 08/01/2011 08/01/2011 - 09/01/2011 09/01/2011 - 10/01/2011 10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011 11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011 12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012 02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012 03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012 04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012 05/01/2012 - 06/01/2012 06/01/2012 - 07/01/2012 07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012 08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012 09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012 10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012 11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012 12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013 01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013 02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013 03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013 04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013 05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013 06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013 07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013 08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013 09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013 10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013 11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013 12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014 01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014 02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014 03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014 04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014 05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014 06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014 07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014 10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014 11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014 01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015 03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015 04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015 05/01/2016 - 06/01/2016 07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016 08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016 02/01/2018 - 03/01/2018 03/01/2018 - 04/01/2018 07/01/2018 - 08/01/2018 04/01/2019 - 05/01/2019 05/01/2019 - 06/01/2019 09/01/2019 - 10/01/2019 02/01/2020 - 03/01/2020 04/01/2020 - 05/01/2020 05/01/2020 - 06/01/2020 06/01/2020 - 07/01/2020 07/01/2020 - 08/01/2020 08/01/2020 - 09/01/2020 09/01/2020 - 10/01/2020 01/01/2021 - 02/01/2021 10/01/2021 - 11/01/2021 11/01/2021 - 12/01/2021 12/01/2021 - 01/01/2022 05/01/2022 - 06/01/2022 06/01/2022 - 07/01/2022 08/01/2022 - 09/01/2022 10/01/2022 - 11/01/2022 02/01/2023 - 03/01/2023 08/01/2023 - 09/01/2023 10/01/2023 - 11/01/2023 12/01/2023 - 01/01/2024 01/01/2024 - 02/01/2024 02/01/2024 - 03/01/2024
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]