PARADOXICAL

One thing I learned about working for God is that it can be a terrible chore. Part of my current 'work' in God's 'service' is having to minister to the youth. Now, I love young people and I'm fairly familiar with youth culture, although I don't look at myself anymore as 'young.' In fact, I can be totally immersed in that culture if I choose to because part of my persona, I'd like to think, is that of a Filipino pop culture writer. Besides, the youth are at the cusp of something exciting and unpredictable; it can be fun working with them. But the nitty-gritty of the work involved! (Link Christmas party fiasco.) Nothing have prepared me for it! It got all the essential elements I hate -- coordinating with people at the same time, delegating which tasks goes to which person, attending to one thousand and one details at the same time, confirming people's attendance, dealing with difficult people, doing a PR job so people cooperate, scheduling, planning, operating, controlling, giving inspirational talk, sharing my private life, speaking in front of a lot of people when I have a stage fright, integrating everything, vision-missioning, accounting (financial and non-). It's crazy! Plus I need to make sure I don't miss the whole point: it's all about loving and serving God and His people. I couldn't take it. The job is too tough, too demanding. I found that doing God's assignment doesn't mean I'll be having lots of fun. It can mean stressful, back-breaking work. Often, I felt like Isaiah or Jonah, the oft-complaining prophet. Why me? Why this? Can't you have others?Where are the people who are more equipped for this job? I'ts grossly unfair! This is a joke. Why pick on me? What have I done? I could've been tapped for things I am really fit for, not this!

But there's a tremendous sense of joy and peace nonetheless, after accomplishing God's unwelcome assignment: joy at having fulfilled his wish, his desire, his work, even if it's only half-hearted on my part.

But I hope this is just a crucial test I'm going through. Because I'd rather work on something where my heart truly lies.

posted by Resty Odon  # 7:54 PM 0 Comments

(This confirms my deduction that, in the end, there really is no such thing called freedom. An inspiration to "freedom-fighters" everywhere, but a ridiculous thought to the "free-spirited." From today's WAU's reflection.)

Freedom is not doing "whatever we want, whenever we want..." "There is no true freedom except in the service of what is good and just. The choice to disobey and do evil is an abuse of freedom and leads to the 'slavery of sin'" (Cathechism of the Catholic Church, 1733).

posted by Resty Odon  # 8:14 PM 0 Comments

From today's reading in WAU, on personal vs. public spirituality:

"If we are trying to live the Christian life on our own, we are missing something vital. We are missing the strength and inspiration we can receive from other believers. And they are missing what we can give them! Fellowship is not something we are obligated to partake in: it's something we need."

Ref.: Acts 4:32-37. Heb. 10:24-25.

posted by Resty Odon  # 6:54 PM 0 Comments

In Acts 3:6-7, we read "Peter said, 'I have never silver nor gold, but what I do have, I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, [rise and] walk.' Then Peter took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles grew strong."

Ever since I became an seroius/active Catholic, I've had these not-too-often but intensely felt practice of 'exorcising' the physical evils that I see first-hand around me. I say this internal prayer, "In the mighty name of Jesus, Be renewed."

I say it when I go through the rotten spots of my urban corner, spots that cry out to be demolished and refurbished.

I say it when I encounter communities that I am impelled to pray spiritual renewal for.

I suppose I should say it more often and cover as much ground as possible - the sick, the beggars, those who scrounge around the garbage dump for leftover food, street-children in besotted, tattered shirts, the unemployed, and so on.

"In the mighty name of Jesus, be renewed." It sounds corny and fundamentalist, but I don't even have to lift a finger. All I have is a desire, a good thought. From my experience, my innocuous thought give interesting results.

Sometime soon, I see my most dreaded corners suddenly being demolished indeed and converted into a useful, bright corner.

Suddenly, it seems, I wake up one day to see that this and that parish is being invaded by completely fired-up people, fresh from their CLP/LSS experience.

And so on.

Then I rejoice and give thanks, completely reduced as a grateful downflow of tears.

posted by Resty Odon  # 6:11 PM 0 Comments