PARADOXICAL

One thing I learned about working for God is that it can be a terrible chore. Part of my current 'work' in God's 'service' is having to minister to the youth. Now, I love young people and I'm fairly familiar with youth culture, although I don't look at myself anymore as 'young.' In fact, I can be totally immersed in that culture if I choose to because part of my persona, I'd like to think, is that of a Filipino pop culture writer. Besides, the youth are at the cusp of something exciting and unpredictable; it can be fun working with them. But the nitty-gritty of the work involved! (Link Christmas party fiasco.) Nothing have prepared me for it! It got all the essential elements I hate -- coordinating with people at the same time, delegating which tasks goes to which person, attending to one thousand and one details at the same time, confirming people's attendance, dealing with difficult people, doing a PR job so people cooperate, scheduling, planning, operating, controlling, giving inspirational talk, sharing my private life, speaking in front of a lot of people when I have a stage fright, integrating everything, vision-missioning, accounting (financial and non-). It's crazy! Plus I need to make sure I don't miss the whole point: it's all about loving and serving God and His people. I couldn't take it. The job is too tough, too demanding. I found that doing God's assignment doesn't mean I'll be having lots of fun. It can mean stressful, back-breaking work. Often, I felt like Isaiah or Jonah, the oft-complaining prophet. Why me? Why this? Can't you have others?Where are the people who are more equipped for this job? I'ts grossly unfair! This is a joke. Why pick on me? What have I done? I could've been tapped for things I am really fit for, not this!

But there's a tremendous sense of joy and peace nonetheless, after accomplishing God's unwelcome assignment: joy at having fulfilled his wish, his desire, his work, even if it's only half-hearted on my part.

But I hope this is just a crucial test I'm going through. Because I'd rather work on something where my heart truly lies.

posted by Resty Odon  # 7:54 PM