PARADOXICAL

The faith chronicles

Sunday, November 11, 2007

 

The hug


Please hug me. Embrace me. Do not reject me. I am worth it. I promise I am. I am a gift, please understand that, just as you are God's gift to me, to yourself, to everyone. At first, I didn't understand that myself, so I imagine it would be hard for you. But I hope you realize I am worth loving because God says so.

You wanted to kill me. Please don't. How could you? You didn't want to do that, did you? I wanted to live. I'd love to live because I love life. I'm a person who's very excited to know all the fascinating things life has to offer.

Do not reject me. I may not be perfect, but I'm not that bad either. I'm already "broken, mutilated, and wounded." You don't want to do any further damage. I already feel like an outcast. I feel so down I'd have to dig my own grave, dig deep down to recover what little else is left of me.

I love you. Or at least I'll try to, after all that you did.

Why can't you love me? I hate you. I hate you for not loving me, for even contemplating on killing me. It's hard to love someone who doesn't love you back. It pains me to say all this. I didn't have to say this to the whole world, but I feel like I need to. That's how you've hurt me. I couldn't contain all that pain.

Please don't leave. I need you. I think I need someone like you for me to heal.

I can't breathe. Stop whatever it is you intend to do. How can I live with this terrible torment, this awful baggage? I'd rather you didn't give me a chance, but now the damage is done.

I'll try my best to forgive, though; to love even if I don't know how, because you didn't love me first. I'll find a way. Or Love will find a way because Love is greater than all this. Or supposed to. Because love is supposed to be unconditional. I hope to acquaint myself of that kind of love because you didn't teach me, but instead distorted what it all means.

I am shattered and shredded, but because of that kind of love, I still can love.


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