PARADOXICAL

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Sehnsucht

(This will be my Reflection #29.)

Today, I’d like to discuss my own experience of sehnsucht. These thoughts are triggered by Stef’s question about the concept of “spiritual suffering.” I said, in my opinion, spiritual suffering is suffering is not caused by our own sin. Also, it may include sehnsucht.

It’s wonderful how the Germans have a term for it – it’s an indication that the early Germans have an experience of it. I was privileged (?) to experience this in an ironic way: right in the middle of euphoria in the days immediately following graduation from the Christian Life Program. I just surrendered myself to the Lord and I felt so joyful, so high, that I didn’t mind dying any minute during those days. I even felt like I could face a thousand demons without my heart throbbing. My fellow graduates felt the same way, to be sure, but I never discuss that other accompanying feeling with anyone lest I be misunderstood.

The feeling is a paradox: a feeling of inexplicable low right in the middle of high – inexplicable because I didn’t understand it at the time. After the adequate passage of time, I understood why I was profoundly lonely. I was profoundly lonely because I no longer wanted to go back to the world and its worldly ways. I desired to be purely with God the rest of my life, but the call of the world was pulling me back to the ground. It made me anguish over the fact that after wonderful worship and a life of intimate prayer, I still needed to attend to my biological needs, my work, my career path, taking care of my parents and siblings, and such concerns. I still had to wash my clothes, struggle with complex human interactions and politics in the workplace, take part in the issues that concern the larger society, and so on.

Why is that so sad, you might ask? Those are not exactly the things that made me sad, but the accompanying thought that going back to the world would surely expose me again to the strong possibility of sin and offending my God again and again. It’s not a pretty picture to be in.

The feeling, or spiritual dilemma, must be akin to what the apostles felt at Mt. Tabor. “It’s great to be here. Can we stay here permanently?” Their euphoria, as we all know, was doused with cold water when Jesus told them after the transfiguration that they have to descend from the mountain and go back to the ‘real world,’ the fallen world of day-to-day temptation and sin.

I think I have gotten over that feeling, but I hope it has remained here in my heart because it’s good to have sehnsucht. It increases my awareness that, no matter the highs and lows of his life, this is not yet the life. Everything is temporary, bound to pass away, to give way, to make a way for what’s permanent: the permanent joy of eternity, the predestined (?) fate of heaven as our home. Until then, this little nagging sadness will be a constant companion. It is meant to be that way anyway, that is why the angels in heaven are said to pity us. They know the highly imperfect state we're in, no matter the heights of earthly perfection we achieve, whether material or spiritual.

posted by Resty Odon  # 4:32 AM

Archives

01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004   02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004   03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004   04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004   05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004   06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004   07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004   08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004   09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004   10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004   11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004   12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005   01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005   02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005   03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005   04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005   05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005   06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005   07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005   08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005   09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005   10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005   11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005   12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006   02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006   03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006   04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006   05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006   06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006   07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006   08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006   09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006   10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006   11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006   12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007   01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007   02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007   03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007   04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007   05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007   06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007   07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007   08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007   09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007   10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007   11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007   12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008   01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008   02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008   03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008   04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008   05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008   06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008   07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008   08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008   09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008   10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008   11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008   12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009   01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009   04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009   05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009   06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009   07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009   08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009   09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009   10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009   11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009   01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010   02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010   03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010   04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010   05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010   06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010   07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010   08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010   09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010   11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010   01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011   02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011   03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011   04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011   05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011   06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011   07/01/2011 - 08/01/2011   08/01/2011 - 09/01/2011   09/01/2011 - 10/01/2011   10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011   11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011   12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012   02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012   03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012   04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012   05/01/2012 - 06/01/2012   06/01/2012 - 07/01/2012   07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012   08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012   09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012   10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012   11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012   12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013   01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013   02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013   03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013   04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013   05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013   06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013   07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013   08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013   09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013   10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013   11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013   12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014   01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014   02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014   03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014   04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014   05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014   06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014   07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014   10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014   11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014   01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015   03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015   04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015   05/01/2016 - 06/01/2016   07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016   08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016   02/01/2018 - 03/01/2018   03/01/2018 - 04/01/2018   07/01/2018 - 08/01/2018   04/01/2019 - 05/01/2019   05/01/2019 - 06/01/2019   09/01/2019 - 10/01/2019   02/01/2020 - 03/01/2020   04/01/2020 - 05/01/2020   05/01/2020 - 06/01/2020   06/01/2020 - 07/01/2020   07/01/2020 - 08/01/2020   08/01/2020 - 09/01/2020   09/01/2020 - 10/01/2020   01/01/2021 - 02/01/2021   10/01/2021 - 11/01/2021   11/01/2021 - 12/01/2021   12/01/2021 - 01/01/2022   05/01/2022 - 06/01/2022   06/01/2022 - 07/01/2022   08/01/2022 - 09/01/2022   10/01/2022 - 11/01/2022   02/01/2023 - 03/01/2023   08/01/2023 - 09/01/2023   10/01/2023 - 11/01/2023   12/01/2023 - 01/01/2024   01/01/2024 - 02/01/2024   02/01/2024 - 03/01/2024  

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]