PARADOXICAL

We are all insecure in some way. That's part of our fallen nature. But some individuals may have been hurt deeply in their psyche at a young age they grow up to be very insecure. The worst part? They are largely unaware of it, thinking everything to be normal. Result? They project their insecurity on everyone and everything in the world, to much damaging effects for all, themselves included.

The following list of telling signs is based loosely on John Monbourquette's How to Forgive: A Step-by-Step (12 Steps) Guide plus insights I gained from here and there. The key to 'diagnosis' is this: Each sign and/or symptom often comes with everything else on the list, in varying magnitudes.

1. Shattered Self-Esteem due to trauma during fetal and/or developmental stages, resulting in deep insecurity or feelings of being unwanted, rejected, etc., or Toxic Shame

2. Self-Blaming - unwarranted, that is (or unnecessary), and unconscious

3. Over-Compensation - the excessive desire to repair hole in the soul/heart* due to basic unmet needs; more on this subtopic later -- meanwhile, here are just a few of the warning signs

3.1. Perfectionism - out of the intense desire to please, score brownie points, or prove oneself to be worthy and lovable

3.2 Overreligiosity/Hyperspirituality - religion may be used to make oneself feel superior to others; it could also be viewed as a pharisaical bribing of God to earn his love (in the Christian viewpoint, God's love is supposedly a gift, freely given, not earned, like a parent's love for a child who hasn't proven anything yet but already loved just because it's lovable).

3.3 Obsessive/Manipulative Caretaking - projection to others of what one needs very badly

3.4 Other Compulsions, Obsessions, Etc. - For other manipulative compensatory or defense mechanisms, you may check the whole slew of Ego Defenses outlined in this blog earlier: 1, 2, 3.

3.5 Constant Catching of Attention - a form of begging or solicitation for the attention one didn't get growing up

4. Defensiveness - excessive guardedness to defend wounded pride

5. Anger (or Surliness) at the slightest deviation or distraction or disturbance in one's carefully made-up (and thus illusory) world

6. Self-Hate as a result of unconscious (or subliminal?) blaming of oneself; most telling symptom is the inability to look at oneself in the mirror (or hating one's own photographic image); alternately, Narcissism, to make up for the attention perceived to have been lost

7. Envy - unconscious longing for what others have that one doesn't have; or alternately, Show-Offiness, to boast so others may feel insecure

8. Medication or Numbing of Pain via sexual, drug, etc. addiction, emotional dependency, etc.

9. Anxiety - the neurotic kind; out of fear of being rejected or losing sense of self; may include phobias and myriad psychosomatic ailments

10. Depression - intense grief at what is perceived as loss

*repairing a loss to restore balance is a human instinct (Jung)