PARADOXICAL

 My Mother: Our Family's Treasure

My mother Mildred, my family's most valuable treasure, is gone.

I'm supposed to be a writer, but for the longest time, I couldn't bring myself to write about my own mother. I have long stopped writing about personal matters apart from what I volunteer to say about myself. This is because, for me, personal family matters belong to private concerns nd should stay there. I am wary of dealing with details that family members might not be comfortable with revealing in public. I am afraid of making erroneous judgments of motives and character and of ending up with inaccurate, incomplete, or unfair versions of stories.

But if this will be of some help to others, and to help us deal with our profound grief in a health way, then I will make an exception. If only to honor the memory of the woman who gave birth to me and the rest of my seven siblings (one stillborn), then so be it.

Of course, I have so many things to say about our Nanay, but I will limit them to the most noticeable ones. Foremost of them is that she is my family's most valuable yet under-appreciated treasure in so many ways.

My mother was my first teacher. Long before my teachers in school, she was the one who taught me the ABC and love for reading.

By word and deed, she taught me and my siblings how to be a good and decent person. She was kind by nature, something that I took after.

Naging mabait akong tao at may takot sa Diyos dahil sa kanya.

She was my family's all-around person in the house. Linis, laba, luto, lahat na. My father was a great cook, so when he died, my mother had to manage by doing something she wasn't best at. We as a society often dismiss a housewife or housekeeper, or even senior citizens, as a non-productive role, a non-job or non-employment, but economically and sociologically, her role is most valuable, financially unquantifiable.

She studied in high school at the Aparri Institute of Technology. Then she took up Dressmaking at a vocational school in Manila, but all thoughout her life, she occupied herself on the side by being a sari-sari store operator.

Originally from Aparri, Cagayan, it was in Pandacan, Manila where she met my father, an automechanic and jeepney driver. Due to life circumstances, they eloped. Ayon sa mga tita ko sa kanyang side, itinanan ng tatay ko and nanay ko, at malamang, doon na 'ko nabuo.

(Old folks in Bayambang, my father's hometown, keep on saying, "Mayaman ang mga Odon. Maraming lupa." Unfortunately, hindi kami yung side na yun. We were their poorer relations.)

Despite that, being an amiable home store operator, my mother was a friend to all. Di ko mabilang ang mga pinautang ng nanay ko sa oras na walang-wala sila. Pag wala nang makain, sa sari-sari ng nanay ko tatakbo. Marami din sila ng tatay kong tinulungang mga kamag-anak sa panahong walang-wala pa sila.

Oftentimes, her kindness was abused, kaya she often got hurt in the process. Mahirap palang maging mabait na tao tulad niya, pero since nature niya ang maging mabait, wala siyang magawa kundi magpakabait.

Because she was a friend to all, halos lahat ng pamilyang tagarito sa Bayambang, kilala niya at alam niya ang mga historical background. Kaya as information officer of our town, she is one of my eyes and ears, kasi matagal akong hindi naniraan sa Bayambang.

She's an Ilocano and Ibanag, pero sa tagal niya rito, naging Pangasinense na rin. She was my constant source of cultural information.

My mother was a good writer. She wrote well because she wrote straight from the heart. I think I inherited that trait from her as well, at least partly, kasi she's a natural--hindi inaral kundi natural.

She also drew well and sang well. At unfortunately, yan ang mga hindi ko namana: ang galing niya sa pagdrawing at ganda ng kanyang pagkanta.

Kahit di siya natapos ng anumang degree sa kolehiyo, she had natural intelligence and was multi-talented.

Health Nut

My mother was a health nut, napaka-health-conscious, kaya't masakit sa akin ang nangyari sa kanya. We always had information sharing, debates and arguments about sugar, resistant starch, cholesterol -- kung good or bad ba ito. Laging nagfoforwrd yan ng mga health tips sa GC naming mag-anak. It strikes me as her way of saying 'I love you' to us, of saying 'I don't want you to suffer pain,' 'I don't want to lose anyone of you.'

My mother was always a giver. Of course, she was not perfect. She had some issues na malimit maging cause ng conflict sa amin kasi magkaiba kami ng prinsipyo ukol sa mg pamahiin, but as everyone can attest, she was without a question a good person.

She deserved the best in life. Di ko man iyan naibigay sa nanay ko, I did my best under my limited circumstances because she was most deserving of my love as her firstborn son.

But my foremost prayer to God now is not material blessings, but for Him to forgive her kung anuman ang mga naging pagkukulang niya and to embrace her for us and to welcome her gladly into her eternal home.

Sana mareceive niya lahat ng award at reward na deserve niya sa langit ngunit hindi nakuha dito sa lupa. 

Like all of those na nakakakilala sa kanya, mamimiss ko ang nanay ko. Ang kanyang maamo at mapagkumbabang mukha, full of gratitude and understanding, ang boses niya at pagkanta, ang kanyang walang katapusang pangaral at paala-ala. Hindi ko alam kung paano imamanage ang lungkot ko in case marinig ko bigla ang mga paborito niyang mga kantahin.

Mahilig siya sa mga bulaklak at halaman, pati aso at pusa, so I guess ako ang magiging tagapangalaga ng mga naiwan niya.

Siguro mamimiss ko rin ang mga munting awayan namin kasi napakaraming pamahiin iyan gaya ng maraming Pilipino that alarm me. Nakakainis din yan minsan kasi laging nakabantay sa aking salt, sugar, oils, at cholesterol intake, at lagi kinokorrect ang aking posture.

Ngunit ang pinakamahalagang mamimiss ko sa kanya ang ay ambag niya sa aming buhay: ang pag-aaruga at pagpapalaki sa aming lahat na magkakapatid ng buong pagmamahal.

The best we can do now ay suklian ang lahat ng ito sa pamamagitan ng pagiging mabuting tao at mapagmahal na kapatid at anak, at mabuting mamamayan. The best payback we can give is to be a treasure ourselves to our family and community. 

Nay, maraming salamat po. Mahal na mahal kita. Hindi kita malilimutan. Patawad po sa lahat ng mga naging pagkukulang ko. Kung ano man ako ngayon, utang ko lahat iyon sa inyo ni Tatay at sa Diyos, kaya ibinabalik ako ang lahat ng papuri at parangal. I promise to love and take care of all my siblings and their children they way you did it.

Palakpakan po naman natin ang nanay ko. 

Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat na nagmahal sa aking butihing ina.

posted by Resty Odon  # 4:49 PM