PARADOXICAL

My Mother: My Family's Treasure

(Epigraph: "Losing one's mother is the hardest thing." - J.T.)

My mother Mildred, my family's most valuable treasure, is gone.

I'm supposed to be a writer, but for the longest time, I couldn't bring myself to write about my own mother. I have long stopped writing about personal matters apart from what I volunteer to say about myself. This is because, for me, personal family matters belong to private concerns and should stay there. I am wary of dealing with details that family members might not be comfortable with revealing in public. I am afraid of making erroneous judgments of motives and character and of ending up with inaccurate, incomplete, or unfair versions of stories.

But if this will be of some help to others, and to help us deal with our profound grief and sense of loss in a natural, healthy way, then I will make an exception. If only to honor the memory of the woman who gave birth to me and the rest of my seven siblings (one stillborn), then so be it.

Of course, I have so many things to say about our Nanay, but I will limit them to the most noticeable ones. Foremost of them is that she is my family's most valuable treasure in so many ways, yet one un-acknowledged and under-appreciated. In our culture, there are things in life that are deemed best left unsaid, and one of them is our instinctively deep love and fondness for our mother, the flesh of our flesh, the blood of our blood.

1. My mother was my first teacher. Long before my teachers in school, she was the one who taught me the ABC and love for reading. I grew up knowing how much my mother loved reading, for she had collections of a variety of magazines, from Liwayway to Health & Home, Women's, etc.

2. By word and deed, she taught me and my siblings how to be a good and decent person. She was kind by nature, something that I specially took after. Naging mabait akong tao at may takot sa Diyos dahil sa kanya.

3. She was my family's all-around person in the house. Linis, laba, luto, lahat na. My father Romeo had always been the better cook, so when he died in 2021, my mother had to step in by doing something she wasn't the best at. We as a society often dismiss a housewife or housekeeper, or even senior citizens for that matter, as a non-productive role, a non-job or non-employment status, but economically and sociologically, her role in keeping things together at home is most valuable, financially unquantifiable.

3. Yet my mother was not just a 'homemaker.' She actually directly contributed to the economy by being an MSME proprietor. The daughter of public market vendor Leonila Lazam Borromeo and Benjamin Simon of Aparri, Cagayan, my mother studied elementary and high school in Aparri Institute of Technology. I think she went to Aparri College of Fisheries but didn't finish her studies. She instead took up a secretarial course in Manila. Then she took up Dressmaking, also in Manila, but all throughout her life, she occupied herself on the side by being a sari-sari store owner and operator.

It was in Pandacan, Manila where she met my father, an auto mechanic and jeepney driver. Due to life circumstances, they eloped. Ayon sa mga tita ko sa kanyang side (Lazam, Borromeo, Peralta, Simon -- the Cagayanos I have yet to meet), itinanan ng tatay ko ang nanay ko, at malamang, doon na 'ko nabuo.

(Old folks in Bayambang, my father's hometown, keep on saying, "Mayaman ang mga Odon. Maraming lupa." Unfortunately, hindi kami yung side na yun. We were their poorer relations. I am not even familiar with them.)

4. Being an amiable home store operator, my mother was a friend to all. Di ko mabilang ang mga pinautang ng nanay ko sa oras na walang-wala sila. Pag wala nang makain, sa sari-sari ng nanay ko tatakbo. Our store thus often became a charity ward, a community pantry. Marami rin sila ng tatay kong tinulungang mga kamag-anak sa panahong walang-wala pa sila. Kahit mahirap ka pala, marami ka pa ring pwedeng matulungan: yung napakaraming mas mahirap pa sa 'yo.

Oftentimes, her kindness was abused, kaya she often got hurt in the process. I learned that mahirap palang maging mabait na tao tulad niya, pero since nature niya ang maging mabait, wala siyang magawa kundi magpakabait.

Because she was a friend to all, halos lahat ng ordinaryong pamilyang tagarito sa sentro ng bayan ng Bayambang, kilala niya at alam niya ang mga family history. They were her kumares and kumpares, bffs, kachikahan, ka-Maritesan, neighbors, ka-barangay, suki, parokyano, supplier... Kaya bagay na bagay siya sa trabaho ko sa Municipio as information officer: she was one of my most trusted informants, kasi matagal akong hindi nanirahan sa Bayambang. She was my CCTV camera.

You don't underestimate the power of ordinary people. They can be valuable intelligence asset.

5. She's an Ilocano and Ibanag, pero sa tagal niya rito, naging Pangasinense na rin. She was also my constant source of information about the traditional culture of Ilocanos, Ibanags, and Pangasinenses.

6. My mother was a good writer. She wrote well because she wrote straight from the heart. I think I inherited that trait from her as well, at least partly, kasi she's a natural--hindi inaral kundi natural.

7. She also drew well and sang well. At unfortunately, yan ang mga hindi ko namana: ang galing niya sa pagdrawing at ganda ng kanyang pagkanta.

Kahit di siya natapos ng anumang degree sa kolehiyo, she had natural intelligence and was multi-talented.

8. My mother was a health nut, napaka-health-conscious, kaya't masakit sa akin ang nangyari sa kanya. Bigla na lamang nawala dahil sa bad case of stroke, which damaged mismong her brainstem. We always had information sharing, debates and arguments about sugar, resistant starch, collagen, cholesterol -- kung good or bad ba ito, dahil may mga no-carb diet doctors na kumakain ng maraming lechon, sisig, etc. kaya't nakakalito sa aming mga laymen. Laging nagfoforward yan ng mga health tips sa GC naming mag-anak. It strikes me as her way of saying 'I love you' to us, of saying 'I don't want you to suffer pain,' 'I don't want to lose anyone of you.'

9. My mother was always a giver. Of course, she was not perfect. She had some issues na malimit maging cause ng conflict sa amin kasi magkaiba kami ng prinsipyo ukol sa mga pamahiin at iba pang bagay. (She came from a family of Baptists.) But despite our differences in opinion, she was still my mother and I had to respect what she thought.

As everyone can attest, she was, without a question, a good person. For this reason alone, she deserved the best in life. But life, to us, has a way of saying that doing good does not mean it will most assuredly lead you to a good fortune here on earth. God himself didn't promise a rose garden in this life, but assured of it in the life to come. 'Di ko man naibigay ang marangyang buhay sa nanay ko na inaasam ko para sa kanya at sa aming pamilya, I did my best under limited, vastly challenging circumstances because she was most deserving of my love as her firstborn son.

But my foremost prayer to God now is not about material blessings, but for Him to forgive her kung anuman ang mga naging pagkukulang niya sa buhay and to embrace her for us and to welcome her gladly into her eternal home.

Sana mareceive niya sa langit ang lahat ng award, accolade, reward, o recognition na deserve niya ngunit hindi nakuha rito sa lupa.

Like all of those na nakakakilala sa kanya, mamimiss ko ang nanay ko. Ang kanyang maamo at mapagkumbabang mukha, full of gratitude and understanding, ang boses niya at pagkanta, ang kanyang walang katapusang pangaral at paala-ala.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko imamanage ang siguradong darating na lungkot in case marinig ko bigla ang mga paborito niyang mga kantahin, o matanaw ko lahat ng bagay na associated sa kanya sa bahay.

Mahilig siya sa mga bulaklak at halaman (at sobrang maawain pati sa mga aso at pusa), so I guess lagi ko siyang maaalala sa mga naiwan niya, na ngayon ay ako ang magiging tagapangalaga.

Siguro mamimiss ko rin ang mga munting awayan namin kasi napakaraming pamahiin niyan that alarm me gaya ng maraming Pilipino, even though I know she meant well. Nakakainis din yan minsan kasi laging nakabantay sa aking salt, sugar, oil, at cholesterol intake, at lagi kinokorrect ang aking posture.

Ngunit ang pinakamahalagang mamimiss ko sa kanya ang ay ambag niya sa aming buhay tahanan: ang pag-aaruga at pagpapalaki sa aming lahat na magkakapatid ng buong pagmamahal at halos wala nang itinira para sa kanya. Whatever work I produce is produced on the back of her enormous sacrifice. Perpetually overworked yet unpaid, walang kayamanang makakapantay sa kanyang inambag. Even in her last hours, she was devoted to her family doing the most quotidian of chores.

Naalala ko ang sinabi ng isang kaibigan noon. Walang anak ang gustong mawala ang kanyang magulang, lalo na ang ina. But we whom she has left behind just have to accept reality. The best we can do now ay suklian ang lahat ng kanyang mga mabuting nagawa sa pamamagitan ng pagiging mabuting tao at mapagmahal na kapatid at anak, kapwa, at mabuting mamamayan. The best payback we can give her now is to be a treasure ourselves to our family, friends, and community.

***

Nay, maraming salamat po. Mahal na mahal kita. Hindi kita malilimutan. Patawad po sa lahat ng mga naging pagkukulang ko. Kung ano man ako ngayon, utang ko lahat iyon sa inyo ni Tatay at sa Diyos, kaya ibinabalik ko ang lahat ng papuri at parangal. I promise to love and take care of all my siblings and their children the way you did.

You may be gone now--but only on this plane of existence. With you as a soul, I believe, through faith, that you are now more present than ever in our lives. And that we, you children, have gained a most loving intercessor.

I will see you in heaven (but please not too soon).

***

Isa po sanang masigabong palakpakan para sa nanay ko, dahil pang-Miss Universe ang kagandahan ng pagkatao ng nanay ko!

***

On behalf of the family, maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat na nagmahal sa aking butihing ina.

***

Ngayon pa lang, nagpapasalamat na ako sa lahat ng nagdasal, at lalung-lalo na sa mga espesyal na indibidwal na nagrescue sa nanay ko at nagpa-ospital sa kanya sa oras ng pangangailangan: mga kapitbahay ko: Marivic, Benok, Inciong, Mimay, Ate Nenit, Kenneth (sana wala ako nakalimutan). And most especially to Bayambang District Hospital, my immediate superior Paeng (Dr. Rafael L. Saygo), Sir Cezar T. Quiambao, and Ma'am Niña Jose-Quiambao, and the Julius K. Quiambao Medical and Wellness Center. I don't know how to repay you, but I will find a way. To you I also dedicate this writing.

posted by Resty Odon  # 4:49 PM